yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
