You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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