so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
