Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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