My underwear smells like fireworks.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
