i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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