Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize