Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
