We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
