I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
