Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
