apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
