I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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