I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
