Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
