I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
