I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
