Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
