You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
