He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So. Much. Porn.
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