I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
