he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
