then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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