ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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