Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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