i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
