i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
