I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just want nice things and good sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize