you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
