I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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