if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you made out with another girl for some wings
The power of my boobs compel you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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