remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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