At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
