Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
