idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
