Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
