dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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