Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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