I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
