we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
