At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
