How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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