it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
