just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
