dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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