This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
