hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
