My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
