I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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