Just took my morning after pill in the library
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize