Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
