i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
