Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
