dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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