i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you are never too drunk for berry picking
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
