I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
