i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
