yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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