On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
