What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
