My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
