false alarm. still invincible.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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