Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
