Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
