dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize