Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
