I must be too annoying 4 u.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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