My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
