He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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