Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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