So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
