If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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