the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
