Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
