I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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