I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
