Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
