Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
