absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
