I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
