dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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