Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
