the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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