I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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