After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
